Yesterday I did a 'clean sweep' of my home, dusting, mopping, scouring sinks and showers, steam cleaning floors, but today Lord, You are calling for a deeper clean. A clean not of the visible, but the invisible. A confessing of the heart. Father, You are calling me to repentance. Not a generalized, "Forgive me for my sins", but a specific acknowledgement of transgressions.
Your Word says that we are to confess our sins to one another (James 5:16), and Lord, I'm nothing if I'm not genuine here before friends who have come to mean so much to me. How easy it is to write words on a page and appear spiritual at a distance. How difficult it is to live out that life day by day in a world where feelings get hurt, pain happens and wrong choices are made.
Lord, today I confess the attitudes, actions and reactions of my heart over the past couple of weeks as I've been giving extra needed care to my parents. Lord, I confess my impatience, frustration, resentfulness and anger. Lord, I confess words not spoken, but thought. Unkind words. Words harbouring jealousy, envy and gossip. I confess my selfish need for recognition and acknowledgement as I bow on my knees now in humility. I confess personal desires that made me turn to others for empathy, wanting my reactions justified.
Father, I feel so far from who You created me to be. I fail so often. I choose my way. Father break me again of self. At this moment begin a new work in me. Strengthen me for obedience. I confess that serving is hard and self is strong. Today, Lord, help me make choices that honour You, living authentic in Your forgiveness. Only You can make the necessary changes in my heart. I surrender again to You. Thank You for the promise of a clean sweep. A fresh start. A new beginning.
As I leave and head over to my Mom and Dad's in just a short time, Father fill my heart with Your love for them. A love that 'washes feet'. A love that listens. A love that understands. A love that forgives. A love that abandons me and lives for You. Have Thine O way Lord.
***Friends I must add a postscript: I pushed "Publish Post", wondering if I should be sharing this today and where to draw the line with how real I become in 'bloggy' world. I took a journey over to my e-mail. One message was there. A devotional I receive daily. This is what I read:
"God’s plan for your growth and freedom includes other Christians. Authentic, honest fellowship is the antidote to your lonely struggle against those sins that won’t budge. God says it is the only way you’re going to break free: “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed” (James 5:16, NIV)
"Do you really want to be healed of that persistent temptation that keeps defeating you over and over? God’s solution is plain: Don’t repress it; confess it! Don’t conceal it; reveal it. Revealing your feeling is the beginning of healing. Hiding your hurt only intensifies it. Problems grow in the dark and become bigger and bigger, but when exposed to the light of truth, they shrink. You’re only as sick as your secrets. So take off your mask, stop pretending you’re perfect, and walk into freedom." Rick Warren
Thank you dear friends.