Funerals always impact my life. I attended one for the father of a new friend of mine not long ago. In our understanding he died too soon. He was only in his early 60's. Although I never had the opportunity to meet this man, his funeral impacted my life. The tributes and memories shared by family and friends were beautiful. We viewed a slide presentation set to music, tracing the journey of his life. The one thing that really spoke to my heart was that this man had truly lived.
He was an adventurer. Fear didn't hold him captive. He lived out loud. He wasn't afraid to follow the dreams God had placed in his heart, and yet he didn't take foolish risks. He enjoyed life to the full. In many ways he has gone from living to living.
My life in comparison would be such a shadow. Many of us would be likened to "dead men walking" in contrast. Oh, maybe outwardly we're going through the motions. Jumping through all the right hoops. We know how to play the "Game of Life". For generations it's been the same. We've read the rules. We know the expectations. Years go by, but our passion is getting buried deeper and deeper. We are allowing ourselves and others to dig our own grave...only we're still breathing. We're being buried alive.
I read recently of someone who, though living, described themselves as dead. Have you been there? Have you been to that dark place that numbs the heart. Apathy is your new normal. You feel indifferent...listless. You've lost interest in all your surroundings. Dejection and weariness characterize your existence. You are no longer a participant, but a spectator. You have eyes that see, without seeing. Ears that hear without hearing. A heart still capable of loving has become your prison. You feel empty, drained, alone.
Unbelievers are not the only ones held captive. Many Christians live life behind locked doors. Self-imposed cells. Discouragement, pain, rejection, insecurity, fear, accusations, past, present, future all build up walls. Gasping for breath you feel smothered, yet weakness and familiarity keep you hostage. It's often comforting to stay in the security of this new normal. Realizing work and effort may lay ahead, awakening holds too many uncertainties. A strange part of you enjoys the attention, pity and compassion from others. Silence is your truest friend and your most consuming enemy.
The problem? Right now life seems too overwhelming. Negatives far out-weigh the positives. Somehow your focus has shifted from what can be, to what is. Often it's a slow fade. Unfulfilled desires in a marriage, demanding children, a stressful job, painful, abusive memories, illness, ...disappointment in God. Oh, you'd probably not come right out and say that, but somewhere along the line, you've felt God has let you down. You had plans. You had desire. Your life was filled with enthusiasm and drive. You've been robbed in the cruellest way possible. You don't have to worry about being one step closer to the grave, you're already there.
How can I write of this? I've been there. I am all too familiar with premature death. But, can I offer you hope? If you are still breathing, you are not dead. Like a seed that may sit dormant all winter long, you are experiencing a winter in your soul. The season will change. Like the story of the "Secret Garden", there are treasures in you to be unearthed. Darkness can have a valuable purpose.
I don't know what God will do to call you back to life again, but He will. God is a God of Resurrection. He specializes in bringing the dead back to life. He wants to see you running and leaping. He comes to you, as He did to the blind beggar named Bartimaeus and asks, "What do you want Me to do for you?" He will not force Himself on you. He holds the keys to your release in open, nail-scarred hands and offers them to you. He is not the one holding you in bondage. Self-imposed shackles are the only things holding you hostage. He promises to bring rest from sorrow and fear, from slavery and chains. Today could be your Prison Break!
Acts 16:26 "Suddenly there was such a violent earthquake that the foundations of the prison were shaken. At once all the prison doors flew open, and everybody's chains came loose."