Very early one morning, sitting on a stool at the kitchen peninsula, overcome with the weight of sin, I sat sobbing uncontrollably.
When was the last time that you experienced the gift of confession? Yes, a gift. Although the agony of sin revealed is crushing, it's also saving.
I remember it as vividly as if it happened moments ago. I knew beyond a doubt that a friendship I had reluctantly responded to was harming my spiritual health. I was doing things I never dreamed I would do and going places I would have vowed I'd never go. I justified each action as my way of reaching out to her, entering her world so that she could see Christ, yet unfortunately the pull to her lifestyle was stronger than I imagined. Like an undertow that comes swiftly and pulls you beneath the surface, I was in way over my head. Buying into countless lies I began gratifying self. I used every excuse to explain each decision, but I was exhausted from the game of hide-and-seek I was playing.
Early that morning the Holy Spirit brought me face-to-face with the reality of my sin. I had made intentional choices that I knew beyond a doubt were wrong. We aren't talking grey area. It was black! I was not just an innocent follower, but an initiator. The shame of sin was so heavy I could barely breathe.
Finally the torment of my sin knelt before the holiness of God and in a turbulent wave of explosive emotion I wept until I fell into exhaustion. I knew the Lord was there forgiving, receiving, yet I resisted His arms of love at first. How could He even desire to hold me close? He had given His life for me, and I had acted in ways that denied His presence in my life.
The Lord put the name of two friends on my heart and in the early hour of the day I reached out to both. As my friend Lina Abujamra writes in her book, "Don't Tell Anyone You're Reading This", shame shared can't survive. "Secrecy is the soil in which shame grows." I shared. We wept. They prayed. The washing of His blood swept over me. The gut-wrenching remorse was redeemed by Christ's death on the cross. His instrument of torture became a cross of triumph as He brought victory.
Lina concludes her book: "I'm still here. One of the greatest signs of God's grace in my life is that I'm still here." My heart echoes this realization. God is here too, and that fills me with relief. Today if there are things you need to confess to the Lord, don't wait. Confession and repentance bring healing through the blood of Jesus.
** For more information regarding Lina's book: https://www.livingwithpower.org/books/
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