Faith's Journey to Hope, Part 4: A New View

(Diane's part of our story continues. What a blessing she is to me!!!!)

Excitement leaped across the border as I read Joy's message, “It is set; I am really coming!”

I chuckled as I responded, “What are they going to do; toss you out of the car when you reach the I-95 and Richmond exit?”

Silence. An indication of apprehension. Realizing her fear was rising, my heart in sensitivity responded, “Don't worry. I'll be there to catch you.”

In less than a month Joy would be here. There was much to prepare, both in my home and in my heart. My world was far from perfect. It was one thing to open my life on screen, quite another to be seen. All safe guards would be removed. All covers gone. Ten days is a long time.

My life has been touched by trauma. Disability and divorce have fought to define me. Details aren't necessary, but in the aftermath of my circumstances, unwanted weeds had taken root and were strangling me with pain, loneliness, anger, resentment and bitterness. This is who I had become. These feelings had replaced God and I was allowing them to rob me of His healing work in my life.

I was questioning God. His purpose. His plan. Once an encourager, now I was the one in need of encouragement. Where was my help? Who was going to minister to me? Lord, don't you see all I'm going through right now? What about me?

Have you ever felt that way? Have you ever exhausted all your resources and come to a place of desperate longing, needing someone to pour into your life? Regardless of how strong your faith has been or how assured your belief in God, the path before seems clouded and uncertain.

Still loving my family more than words can express, a void remains. Every waking hour I miss the sound of their voices...their fun...their pranks...their laughter...their touch...their love and need for me. Yet deeper, my love and need for them. Walking a path I would have never imagined and longing to be obedient to God, I desperately want to be daily making right choices that please and honor Him, my life giving testimony to the hope within. Battered and bruised hope, but breathing hope. Joy's coming would not remove the emptiness, but provide a temporary diversion.

With Joy I had drawn back the curtains of my heart and she still welcomed the view. Her desire to travel to Virginia was driven by her longing to minister to me. Realizing that time had long since wearied me with the weight of mountains magnified on the landscape of my life, she had already shouldered my burden, walking so close, her feet covered in the dust from my footsteps. Searching the horizon, my hope was fading.

Sometimes we're just looking out the wrong window.

Joy's coming shifted my focus. Choices had to be made. Would I continue to feed anger and pain, or throw my efforts into preparing a welcoming haven for my friend? I knew her heart too was searching for a sanctuary of safety and retreat. I began to ready my home for her visit. Special treasures purchased. Hand-made gifts a labor of love. As my attention and energy changed direction, God began writing two new words across my life. Disability and divorce were being redefined by Hope and Faith.

Today I see life from a new view. With clearer vision I know I am not alone.

How about you? Are you looking back through anger, pain, bitterness, fear or shame? Maybe it's time to see through the eyes of Hope and Faith.