While making my coffee this morning I was clearing out emails received while I slept. One arrived via a ministry to which I subscribe. The writing was about "breaking free from anxious spirituality." The author, Kristen LaValley, was giving gentle guidance to those honestly seeking to know what they believe. In her compassionate response to the struggling doubter, she assures that questions are OK, but to keep them within the perimeter of safe parameters.
"Even in my most secure and 'certain' stage of faith, I lived in constant fear of doing the wrong thing, saying the wrong thing, sinning against myself or other people, making God angry, or losing His approval and favour. So. Much. Fear. Even when I was sure of what I believed. My faith wasn't in a loving God, but in the doctrines that made me feel secure. I elevated the 'rightness' of my beliefs over communion with Christ. I sought frameworks and put my trust in them. And then they broke and I fell apart."
Kristen continues to write that rebuilding faith can be "like discovering it for the first time. The house that fear and shame built crumbled and I burned out trying to save it. But underneath the rubble, something sincere and beautiful started to grow. It was outside the parameters I trusted in, but fully in the presence of a good and kind Creator."
"We fry our spiritual nervous systems out when we allow fear to control our instincts and ultimately, our pursuit of Christ."
What keeps belief from unraveling? We must have confidence in God and in His unchanging character. God is not the author of fear. Recently in a Bible study I have been facilitating, we have spent a lot of time understanding that it is God's kindness that leads us to Him (Romans 2:4). When we are striving to understand, He draws us to Himself through His goodness and love. He desires for us to meet Him personally, and maybe understand and experience Him the first time.
Our questions do not necessarily mean anything negative. They are tools that simply bring revelation to places in our faith that still needs to grow. Kristen writes, "It might just mean you need to wrestle with the integrity of your belief framework. Instead of asking, 'Is this even true,' you ask yourself, 'Why do I believe that?' It's an inward looking and ordering instead of an outward pursuit."
Do not allow your feelings to dictate truth. We can live life with a heart certain and confident in the Lord. We can echo the words of 2 Timothy 1:12 and say with assurance, "for I know the One in whom I trust, and I am sure that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him until the day of His return." In that place of surety we can lift our voices and sing praises with our whole hearts.
Quotes: "breaking free from anxious spirituality: the reconstruction of a doubter"; Kristen LaValley; November 16, 2024; https://kristenlavalley.substack.com/p/breaking-free-from-anxious-spirituality
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