Misplaced Satisfaction

"...Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because we cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased." C. S. Lewis

We are far too easily pleased. Does that sentence awake your senses? With Christmas just past, many gifts were received and appreciated. We might have heard or spoken words that declared our enjoyment. I think it's lovely to find pleasure in the thoughtfulness and love of others expressed in tangible ways, but we need to be cautious that the gifts don't take precedence over the Giver.

Where do we find satisfaction and contentment? Is it in the "mud pies"? There is so much more. The concept of satisfaction is often me-centered. It's core inwardly directed at self-interest. It's all about me and the fulfillment of my need or want.

I long to be fully satisfied in the Lord. Not with crumbs under the table, but feasting on His Word and meditating on Scripture, so that my delight may be found in Him alone.

Dear Father, I confess to You the many times that my heart has been content with lesser things. I repent of the times I have sought enjoyment through other means. They are not wrong in themselves, but when my focus is fixed on the delight they bring, I have lost my passion in pursuing you. I have become side-tracked, and like a little bird splashing in puddles I am missing the refreshing expanse the ocean of Your presence provides. Lord, I lay at Your feet today all that I strive so hard to hold on to, and I reach out for You. With hands empty, fill me with Yourself.

An Open Door

"...a great door for effective work has opened to me..." 1 Corinthians 16:9

Closing the back cover of Marybeth Whalen's book, "She Makes It Look Easy", tears filled my eyes. Although only a fiction story, it held much truth. I had identified with several of the characters and longed for similar desires of friendship to be fulfilled.

Earlier in the story, Marybeth described a gate between the properties of two neighbours. Her writing posed a question I am still pondering. Do I view a gate as positive or negative? Do I see it as access or exclusion? As possibility or prevention? Permission or prohibition? Being received, or being rejected?

This morning I have read that a great door for effective work has opened to me. God is calling me to ministry. At the moment, the door may be open, but I have no idea where it is leading. I have a choice to continue peering through, or begin passing through. I am unaware what's on the other side, however the Lord is opening an opportunity.

Dear Lord, it's exciting for me to think that You have a new adventure for me to begin this year. As I reflect back over 2011, countless doors seemed to close...with force! So many plans were denied. I lived months being fenced in physically, unable to take part in activities due to health restraints. This morning an open door is ushering in freedom. Lord, You are saying that the time has come to return to living. You have strengthened my body, birthed new life in my soul and a vast world of possibility lies before me. Unlike Mary in the "Secret Garden", it is not I who unlocked this gate. You have opened it for me. May any fear be conquered with courage. Lord, keep me from hesitating too long at the entrance. As Charles Stanley has said, "Standing before an open door never resulted in a single changed life".

As my hand touches wrought-iron, my heart fills with hopeful anticipation.

"Reflect on what I am saying, for the Lord will give you insight into all this." 2 Timothy 2:7

In Step With My Savior

Joy, "walked with God". (Genesis 6:9)

Having medication prescribed recently after being diagnosed with both high blood pressure and high cholesterol, I am serious about returning to an intentional exercise program. For years I was faithful to a walking regimen, but over the past twelve months I have fallen away. Surgery, cancer and chemotherapy interrupted my life. Although I tried to walk as often as I could, the pace and practice of this daily routine suffered. Not only have I been physically weak, but my resolve waned. Motivation and muscle strength disappeared.

With a New Year before me I am determined to reclaim my health. I enjoy a power walk, but look forward to it even more if accompanied by a friend. Unfortunately with everyone's commitments to work, family, and life, I've yet to find a daily walking buddy. It would be so wonderful to find someone who had the same dedication and desire, as well as time available. I have a couple of friends who each can sometimes accompany me one day a week, but I need accountability and consistency. I've been praying for the Lord to supply a walking friend.

This morning I was reminded of a Friend who longs to walk every twenty-four hours of each day with me. He wants to talk to me along the pathway of life. He wants to listen to my heart. He longs to lead me down meadow lined trails of delight, across bridges of opportunity, over pavement cracks of disappointment and doubt, around fields of fear, through forests of unknown and beside quiet streams of stillness and rest.

Regardless if anyone joins my daily meanderings, I have a Companion for the year's journey. I do not walk alone. The Lord Himself walks with me down pathways in His presence.

Lacing up my running shoes. I have a walking date with God.

Dear Lord, as I walk into this New Year, enable me to be faithful. Guide my steps in righteousness and keep my feet from following evil. Help me pursue peace, flee temptation and run the race You have chosen for me. Do not allow me to stray if wider, open paths appear easier. When I want to stop and sit on a bench of complacency, unsettle my heart and cause it to beat again with a rhythm of renewed passion and desire. Help me not to make excuses on rainy days of disappointment or cold days of despair. Give me courage to climb each mountain, patience in every valley and strength for the rugged terrain. Keep my feet from slipping and my eyes open to the needs of others travelling this journey. Thank You for being my drink of cold water, quenching my thirst, and the daily manna to my hungry soul. If distractions threaten to lure me away, let me hear and heed the prompting of Your Spirit. May I never turn away, around or race ahead, but purposefully place each step in the imprint You leave before me because Your footsteps are always safe to follow. May I remain all year in step with my Savior.

"Letting Go of Perfect"

I’ll admit it. My name is Joy and I’m a perfectionist. At a young age I was taught that there is a place for everything, and everything should be in its place. I haven’t reached ranks with those suffering from a compulsive disorder, but I’m the one dotting every “i” and crossing every “t” in their perfect little notebooks. Growing up in a home where everything was always in order, mostly due to my mother’s 3am rising to wash the floors and dust before the day began, I foolishly believed every good wife and mother would do the same.

Not long ago I found a “Housekeeping Schedule” I had prepared as a young bride. As I saw the tasks recorded and the weekly, monthly and seasonal agenda I had created, I began to laugh. Dust the baseboards. Empty the refrigerator. Wash the floors. Polish the silver. Shine the chandeliers. The last two make me smile. I thought I would actually have silver to polish and chandeliers to shine. The list is long and each task is assigned a specific day of the week, or month of the year. I had ingeniously designed the chart as a perpetual schedule that could be used every year for the rest of my cleaning life. Where did I find this “perfect” plan I had meticulously crafted? It was buried in that junk drawer housed in every home.

As Christmas nears, I’ve been reading “Untangling Christmas” by LeAnn Rice and Karen Ehman. Early in the book, LeAnn shares a story entitled, “Letting Go of Perfect”. It’s a story of exploding lasagne and a Christmas memory. Funny, it’s not the perfect tree, or the perfect meal, or the perfectly wrapped gifts that were described, but the bursting of a pan on a burner and tomato sauce with noodles decorating the kitchen.

This year, I need to let go of perfect. With my husband’s soon to be scheduled surgery, and myself still recovering from chemotherapy following a hospital stay, I need to release some ‘have to’s’. They aren’t really necessities, they are niceties. I need to surrender them.

What will this mean? The tree may not go up this year. The decorations may be sparse. I have to relinquish control of hosting Christmas dinner for my family, something I have done every year since getting married 23 years ago. The Christmas cards and yearly letter will most likely not be written. The gifts may not be as many or the wrapping as exquisite. The baking might not be completed. Actually, that last one I released years ago. I let others prepare the Christmas goodies. It's actually safer and tastier that way.

What will remain? Christ. Jesus will remain. At the heart and center of our celebration much will still be the same. I will rise long before the sun Christmas morning. I will most likely pop some Pillsbury Dough “Grands” into the oven. I will turn the coffee pot on. I will make enough noise to rouse those as excited as I, but not too much to awaken the sleepyheads. By dim light we will gather in the silence after everyone appears, and my husband will read the Christmas story from the Gospel of Luke. In the quiet of our home with the fireplace burning, wearing bed pants and bed heads, we will join together in singing Happy Birthday to Jesus. We will open gifts and unwrap love. There will be chocolate. There will be laughter. There will be hugs.

We might not inspire a Thomas Kincade painting, nor be remembered as a Normal Rockwell portrait, but we will be together under one roof with family and friends we hold dear.

I guess in many ways, nothing will change.

Letting go of perfect, lets me embrace the Perfect One whose birthday we celebrate.

“For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given…” Isaiah 9:6

(I did provide links to "Untangling Christmas" as well as to both LeAnn and Karen's blogs, but for some reason they did not appear highlighted. If you place your cursor over their names, you will be able to click to their links.)

Overwhelmed

"Oh God, Oh God, I’m, I’m overwhelmed."

If you’ve ever watched the movie, “Facing the Giants”, the quote above should sound familiar. As I sat with tears running down my face Saturday night, those words echoed in my heart. Oh God, Oh God, I’m, I’m overwhelmed.

This past weekend has been one of countless blessings. I hardly know where to begin.

A couple of weeks ago I had received a complimentary ticket to attend the Beth Moore simulcast. As the day approached, I doubted my ability to be there. Just forty-eight hours prior to the event I was still deeply feeling the effects of my last chemo treatment, and surrendered to the very real possibility that I might not be able to go. Thankfully Friday I felt physically stronger and the hope of the conference returned.

Saturday morning I awoke excited and prepared for all the Lord had in store for me. The host church had made accommodations to help protect me from the crowd gathering and I truly felt the Lord’s blessing on the day. I even had a chair strategically placed and reserved for me. I felt very humbled by the kindness extended.




Entering the sanctuary, I immediately noticed that some renovations had taken place since my last visit. No one else may have appreciated the colour scheme, but the chairs were a shade of teal; the binds, and the curtains framing the platform were also teal. Teal is the colour that represents ovarian cancer. These details did not escape me.


As Travis Cottrell moved our hearts to worship, tears began to flow. It has been so long since I have been seated with 450 ladies praising the Lord together. Secluded in my house for a good portion of the past four months, the gift of corporate worship was being unwrapped and cherished. Joining my voice with precious sisters in Christ and praising the Lord together stirred my emotions. Oh Father, thank You for all You are doing. My life is my worship to You.

Beth’s teaching was straight from the heart of God. I love how she opens Scripture and encourages application of His Word. My notes are many…but they are so much more than letters scribbled on a page…they are life to me. I breathed Him in, and exhaled His peace. The Lord even used Beth’s wardrobe to say, “Joy, I love you”. Guess what colour Beth was wearing? Teal. It was a fabulous day of listening to the whispers of God and knowing that the Lord of the universe saw and cared for me.

Around 8:30pm that evening, while sitting visiting the sweet memories of the day, a knock came to my door. Not just any knock. It was the “family” knock. The secret code that convinces me to open the door, even if sporting my pyjamas. It was my sister and her son, and she said she had a surprise for me.

Seated on the couch, she handed me a notebook with a hand-made cover that read, “Ovarian Cancer Canada, Walk of Hope.” I opened it up to find a list of what looked like about 30 names. Confused, I looked to my sister for explanation.

Yesterday, September 11, was the 10th Annual “Walk of Hope” for ovarian cancer research. I had talked about it for over a month, but feared I would not have the strength or stamina to take part. I had just felt led that day, that if I awoke feeling able, I would participate in this opportunity.

As I began turning the pages in this book, tears began to flow. Unknown to me, my sister had sent out a dozen emails to a few friends asking if they would be willing to donate any amount in my name to help fight the battle against this number one women’s cancer killer. She longed for my heart to be encouraged with a pledge form and a few names. As He did with the loaves and fishes, God multiplied her request.

Reading the names, and the individual stories behind each submission, I came to names I didn’t recognize and assumed they were my sister’s friends. This is where the story gives me goose bumps. My sister didn’t know these folks either. Over the ten days or so as my sister collected funds, complete strangers sent her cards in the mail…or came to her door…dropping off significant amounts to be added to the collection. One such example was a lady who blocked her driveway one day as my sister was returning her son to school after lunch, and simply said she would recognize my sister as being related to me from my picture on my blog. She handed my sister a sizeable donation and drove away. Neither of us is certain of her identity. Another lady sent a card with a generous amount, explaining she did not know me, but had heard about this “surprise” and wanted to be involved. She also promised her prayers.

My heart can hardly hold the love that has been showered on me. The tears flowed unbridled as my sister presented me with a cheque to donate to Ovarian Cancer Canada in the amount of $2320.00. The Lord took my sister’s obedience to send out 12 emails, and He multiplied the response. People are still responding and the amounts are being forwarded to the organization.



As I came to the last page in the book, it was decorated with sunflowers (the ovarian cancer flower) and pre-cut note cards. Remember I told you that I had attended the Beth Moore simulcast that day? My sister had won a door prize. Included in the gift were note cards with sunflowers that said, “God’s love is expressed in every act of kindness.” God’s blessing and benediction on my sister’s efforts. Not only that, but she received the entire teaching series of Beth Moore’s “The Patriarch’s”. God, who sees in secret, rewards openly. So thankful for the way He blessed my sister for the blessing she is to me.

I did attend the walk with a special friend and her daughter. God provided in so many ways and we saw His Hand over and over again. Over 2.6 million dollars was raised in the fight against ovarian cancer.



This morning in my daily reading I came across this verse: “Please let us walk with you, for we have heard that God is with you.” Zechariah 8:23 Isn’t that beautiful? Can you imagine that request being asked of you? Nothing could delight my heart more or humble me deeper…someone has heard of my faith in the Lord and desires to walk with me. That is the true and eternal “Walk of Hope”. Is your walk inviting such a request today? Let’s live so that others will desire to spend time as our companions on this journey, not because of anything we have done, but because of Christ in us.

Defining a Decade

My friend Marybeth Whalen has been encouraging readers of her blog to cast vision over the next ten years. She has been challenging me to define my next decade. How do I want to be seen in the next ten years? What do I want to be known for? What kind of personality do I want? What do I envision my family looking like in ten more years?

In order to project my thoughts I found I also had to reflect over the last ten years and I’ll tell you why. Pretty much all that has happened, good and not so good over the last ten years, I never would have imagined. Here are just a few of those unexpected realizations:

• Leaving our dream home and moving to a new city
• Changing churches
• My son attending a Christian University
• My son having a precious Christian girlfriend (Oh, I imagined the Christian girlfriend, just not yet. I was praying he’d at least be in his 20’s before he started dating...LOL)
• Flying to North Carolina on my own
• Driving to Virginia on my own
• Finding my best friend unexpectedly by Walking Thru the Bible on-line
• My dad spending 9 months in the hospital
• Caring for aging parents becoming a weekly part of my life
• Being employed at a Christian Bookstore – that had been my dream job and the offer came unexpectedly
• Placing third in a writing competition with entrants from all across Canada
• Having surgery to remove a cancerous mass
• Losing my hair to chemotherapy
• Becoming friends with a dog…hahaha…I’ve always been terrified of dogs
• Speaking at Ladies Events
• Actually getting to volunteer at the Proverbs31 Office
• Attending the She Speaks conference three times
• My mother-in-law and dear friend passing away suddenly with cancer
• Taking violin lessons for a year
• Writing 365 daily devotions
• Making so many American and On-line friends
• Starting three blogs
• Decorating a guest room in our home for my BFF
• Travelling to Florida with my family several times

Those are just some of the “never imagined” occurrences. So…here’s the thing…for me to try and surmise anything over the next ten years…I don’t dream big enough. So much of what God has planned for me surpasses anything that I could desire. Even the gifts that have come wrapped in “brown paper”, the not so pretty packages that I’ve been given; they have been used to strengthen my faith and develop my character.

Often I have heard Proverbs 29:18 quoted as a basis for intentional living, “Where there is no vision, the people perish…”. Vision here is not referring to vision statements or setting goals. Vision here is about hearing from God; a revelation from Him. Without guidance from the Lord there is chaos and no moral or ethical control. The NIV says it clearer: “Where there is no revelation, people cast off restraint; but blessed is the one who heeds wisdom’s instruction.”

My goal in all areas over the next ten years is to daily be in God’s Word and wait on Him and listen to His voice.

“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” Ephesians 3:20-21

Front Porch Courage

Awkwardly I unlocked the back patio sliding doors while balancing my Bible, pen, iPod and computer. I refused to make two trips. My husband always lectures me for loading up so precariously, but I was determined I could carry all my belongings outside without the need of walking those few feet twice. It’s not being lazy, it’s being creative.

I managed the manoeuvre without incident, settled myself in the “anti-gravity” chair and took a deep breath. It felt good just to sit outside. Two months ago today I was in the hospital recuperating from surgery that removed a mass diagnosed as ovarian cancer. Having just completed my second round of chemotherapy, it was a gift to be feeling well enough to adventure outdoors. I had been anxious to step outside the safety of my walls. The loss of my hair had been sudden and saddening. Only cosmetic, yet my bandanas now universally proclaimed to the world that I was a cancer survivor. Although their declaration was one of success, they spoke a new insecurity to my heart. My home and my backyard became my protection…or were they more my voluntary prison? I was under house arrest and personal solitary confinement.

Opening my Bible I began to read today’s passage. I couldn’t focus. Two things were interrupting me; the buzzing of the bees in the wild flowers near the patio, and the heat of the sun that refused to offer just a gentle warming. I shifted my position. I readjusted my chair. Still I had lost my concentration. Frustrated I decided to move back inside. I felt defeated and annoyed. Why couldn’t I just enjoy a simple pleasure like a few minutes in the fresh air savouring God’s creation?

“Sweet Joy, you still can.”

No I can’t. The sun is too hot. The buzzing insects interrupting.

“You have another choice My daughter.”

No I don’t and please don’t ask me.

“You have a beautiful, shaded front porch with two chairs. One for you, and one for Me.”

Oh Lord, I can’t. It’s too hot out and I don’t want to have to stop and bother to take time to put on my wig.

“You don’t have to wear your wig. You are beautiful and I will be your covering.”

Oh yes I do. If I sit out the front wearing my bandana everyone will know I have cancer.

“My precious daughter, I don’t believe even you have made that full acknowledgement yet.”

I’m frightened Lord. I’m frightened of the stares. I’ve been on the other side. I’ve been the one who has glanced and looked away, afraid of the disease and uncertain as to what to say. Do you know what it's like to wake up every morning...realize you're living the nightmare...and start the day in fear and tears? Do you know what it's like to walk into any room...even in the privacy of your own home...with your head down...so afraid to make eye-contact with a mirror and see your reflection? Do you know what it's like to look down at your laptop, your t-shirt, the pages of your Bible and have to constantly brush off falling hair? Do you know what it's like to feel your own body is a walking time-bomb? Do you know what it's like to feel sadness so deep that its cuts and scars will forever remain? Do you know what it's like living as a prisoner to a disease? How do I get past the need to understand and continue living?

“Child, you take My hand and together we open your front door and step outside. Will you trust Me? There is a world out there that still needs the gifts and talents I have planted inside you. Together you can move from backyard cowardice to front porch courage.”

Backyard cowardice or front porch courage. Which was I going to choose?

My name is Joy Brown, and I have ovarian cancer.



Yes...that IS my front porch.

A quick update! When we obey the Lord, He is quick to infuse us with more and more of what we need. After posting this blog, God moved me from "Front Porch Courage" to "Convertible Courage". Check out the Driving Diva who was cruisin' around town last night WITH the top down. :)