Deliberate Sin

"How can I know all the sins lurking in my heart? Cleanse me from these hidden faults. Keep your servant from deliberate sins! Don't let them control me. Then I will be free of guilt and innocent of great sin." Psalm 19:12-13

As I read through the passages in the Psalms today, they were filled with so many wonderful promises and verses of hope. My heart thrilled with delight at God's unfailing love, divine protection, perfect guidance, incredible blessings and miraculous answers. As Pollyanna would say, I highlighted so many "glad passages".

However, the verses that grabbed my heart were the two above. Not exactly ones that fall into the "glad" category. Ones that actually stirred up conviction and shame.

Friends, I'm nothing if I'm not honest here in my writing.

Today I could so easily share about the splendor of God's creation giving praise from Psalm 19. I could write more about my wonderful inheritance from Psalm 16. I could speak about seeking God from Psalm 14. The Lord's rescue and goodness hold such hope in Psalm 13. God's pure promises encourage me in Psalm 12. Yet, those reflections would be, but clever, crafted words if I abandon what the Lord most impressed on my heart today.

Deliberate sin. On purpose. Knowing in advance that it is sin, yet following in spite of the Spirit's warning to my soul.

I wish I could be quick to say that I have never chosen to sin deliberately, but unfortunately, even saying so, I'd then be speaking such.

I have known in my heart that the unkind words about to run from my lips will hurt, yet I have provided their footing.

I have realized that my action will pain another, yet I chose to proceed.

I have considered that I would be demonstrating pride by continuing down that path, but I have walked it regardless.

Just this past Monday night I excused an answer I gave someone as "truth", justifying my response because I wanted to give an affirmative reply. When questioned whether or not I had followed through with something I had promised to do, I said 'yes', telling myself I had intended to do it and would fulfill the request as soon as they left, so truly, it was as good as done. Why did I not just admit that I hadn't completed the task? I was afraid of looking like I had failed. Yet, in speaking a lie (let's call it what it was!), I have lived with the guilt.

The job I had neglected wasn't a big deal. A day or two late would have resulted in no ramifications. Yet, pride controlled my heart and gave instruction to my tongue and I obeyed sin's choice. A second of disobedience has caused days of regret and shame. So, was that momentary escape from expected judgement worth it?

I could have simply, in all honesty, replied 'no' and I'm certain I would have been offered grace, but instead I chose to deliberately sin.

Three days later my answer has now become truth, or at least that's what I'd like to believe, as the duty has been done. The truth however, is that my original answer can never be anything but what it was...a deliberate sin.

Greater Joy

"You have given me greater joy..." Psalm 4:7

Today is a day of greater joy.

Today is a day of celebration.

My Mom and Dad celebrate 65 years of marriage today. A wonderful milestone has been reached. Sixty-five years of covenant living and loving.

Their love has climbed mountains, endured desert dryness, walked paths of pain, forged valleys, battled storms, soared over unexpected wonders and lingered in gardens of delight, always side by side.

Firm believers in never allowing the sun to set on an unkind word or misunderstanding, short accounts were kept and a lifestyle of forgiveness was modelled. Their love was and is anchored firmly in the Lord.

Married in their late teens, now in their 80's, any observor would forget their age as they walk hand-in-hand and arm-in-arm.

"Dorf" and "Demf", as they lovingly call one another, still embrace like newlyweds. Mom will ask, "Who's your girl?" and Dad will respond without hesitation, and with exclaimation and a twinkle in his eye, "You are."

Cupping Mom's face in his hands, he still speaks words of endearment, cherishing her beauty. He adores her completely.

They were first love and only loves.

The following picture was taken about nine months ago.



Most of you know that my Dad is struggling with health concerns right now. We are hoping to enjoy a little time of celebration today. Please pray that it will be a special day for all our family. Ten weeks ago I questioned the arrival of this celebration. The Lord has been so gracious as to give us all "greater joy" and more treasured moments with my Mom and Dad.

My sister, her son and I went to the hospital last night to decorate Dad's room to surprise Mom today. Dad enjoyed being in on the planning and he was directing our every move.



I hope to be back later today to post additional pictures.

Today I'm celebrating...and I have greater joy!

Only a Moment

"We are here for only a moment..." 1 Chronicles 29:15

A moment.

A particular point in time.

An indefinitely short period.

The here and now.

It's been said that the past is history. The future is a mystery. The only time we really have is now - just this moment.

Many people are so concerned with adding days to their life that they forget to add life to their days.

“We must not allow the clock and the calendar to blind us to the fact that each moment of life is a miracle and mystery.” H. G. Wells

Moments are lost in the 'important'. Busyness crowds out our 'now'.

The truth is, this very moment is the only timeline of your life.

Celebrate that you are alive this very second.

Be fully present in the present.

See the wonder within each treasured gift of time.

Become aware.

Your life is built upon the moments that God gifts to you. What will you do with each one today?

It is the seed of your future, planting and growing flowers of delight. Breathe in the fragrance of the beauty of each second.

Embrace the now.

Be thankful for what is.

“Every moment is a golden one for him who has the vision to recognize it as such.” Henry Miller

Moments have become so much more precious over the past 10 weeks. I am cherishing each one with my Daddy. Strange...he's living in the moment, yet it makes us sad. Yesterday's are forgotten. Tomorrow's seem too hard to grasp. His mind can only hold the current. Maybe that's what truly living is all about. Why do we try so hard to hold on to more?

It's the moments that make up our years.

My very dear friend, Elaine, wrote a wonderful post just a couple of days ago that further adds truth to what I'm feebly trying to express here. Please click on her name, visit her blog and be blessed.

We Have This Moment (Gaither Vocal Band)

Hold tight to the sound of the music of living,
Happy songs from the laughter of children at play;
Hold my hand as we run through the sweet fragrant meadows,
Making mem'ries of what was today.

Chorus: We have this moment to hold in our hands and to touch as it slips through our fingers like sand;
Yesterday's gone and tomorrow may never come, But we have this moment today.

Tiny voice that I hear is my little girl calling,
For Daddy to hear just what she has to say;
And my little son running there by the hillside,
May never be quite like today.

Tender words, gentle touch and a good cup of coffee,
And someone who loves me and wants me to stay;
Hold them near while they're here and don't wait for tomorrow,
To look back and wish for today.

Take the blue of the sky and the green of the forest,
And the gold and the brown of the freshly mown hay;
Add the pale shades of spring and the circus of autumn,
And weave you a lovely today.

A Dream Denied

"It was my desire to build a temple where the Ark of the LORD's Covenant, God's footstool, could rest permanently. I made the necessary preparations for building it, but God said to me, 'You must not build a temple to honor my name, for you are a warrior and have shed much blood." 1 Chronicles 28:2-3

As a little girl, I had dreams.

Dreams for love, marriage, beauty, acceptance, friendship, position and accomplishments. Some have been fulfilled, others have fallen short of my hopeful imaginings.

Today, as I look around and see others possessing what I had purposed, sometimes it's hard. It's difficult to see another living my dream. The longing is still there, yet it's realization is lacking. For some reason the Lord has decided that, like David, He can entrust me with a vision that requires my prayer and preparation, but not my participation. Sometimes it's the right idea, but at the wrong time. David's son would receive the honour.

How do you feel as you watch your dream being fulfilled by another?

Is there a tinge of resentment and jealousy, or can you truly rejoice with those who rejoice?

We see what God longs for our response to be just a few verses later.

"Worship and serve him with your whole heart and a willing mind. For the LORD sees every heart and knows every plan and thought." 1 Chronicles 28:9

A whole heart worship and willing mind service.

Often He must purify motives of ambition in us to bring us in line with His plans. Our self-serving, self-seeking nature needs refining and refusing so that His name alone will be praised.

God raised David up as a King and warrior, but not a builder.

Is there a dream the Lord is asking you to surrender and even pass on to someone else? Maybe your role will be to train another, or like David, raise a child, to fulfill your dream.

Can you sing with the song writer, "All to Jesus, I surrender, all to Him I freely give?"

One of the hardest things for us to experience might be to prepare for the building of the dream, but not be one of the construction crew.

"Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain." Psalm 127:1

Although God does not call everyone to build temples, we have been given special abilities and talents with which to honour the Lord. We were made specifically and purposefully for His high calling. Praying today that the Lord will be gentle with my misplaced and mistaken desires as I embrace His marvelous dreams for me.

"We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully." Romans 12:6-8

"Hard as it seems
Standing in dreams
Where is the dreamer now
Wonder if I
Wanted to try
Would I remember how
I don't know the way to go from here
But I know that I have made my choice
And this is where I stand
Until He moves me on
And I will listen to His voice

This is the faith
Patience to wait
When there is nothing clear
Nothing to see
Still we believe
Jesus is very near
I can not imagine what will come
But I've already made my choice
And this is where I stand
Until He moves me on
And I will listen to His voice

Could it be that He is only waiting there to see
If I will learn to love the dreams that He has dreamed for me
Can't imagine what the future holds
But I've already made my choice
And this is where I stand
Until He moves me on
And I will listen to His voice"

(Twila Paris - I Will Listen)

Long Haul Living

"...the leaders of their family groups, registered carefully by name." 1 Chronicles 23:24

David designates the descendants duties by clans and families. Employing them together would encourage them to work together and love one another...or would it? Great in theory, but could the daily, close contact divide more than unify?

Yesterday afternoon I was steaming mad. I'm sure a 911 call was placed as billows of smoke must have been seen rising above my head. Words had been fired at me suddenly and unexpectedly, and in an instant, my 'good day' had become 'bad' leaving a wake that crashed the shore of my heart with confusion and anger.

On Tuesday our family begins week ten visiting my Dad at the hospital. I have been by my Dad's bedside 67 of those 70 days. As my Mom doesn't drive, she has accompanied me on every visit. Many of those days, both my sisters have also been at the hospital during some of the time I've been there. I wish I could tell you that we always get along perfectly, but that would not be true. Stress and concern over Dad, worry about Mom, schedules that have been abandoned, families that have been neglected, plans that have been forfeited, have combined to make tempers short and frustrations many. I sat bewildered in the eye of the storm, as my life was torn and scattered with winds of accusation.

What is the one thing that's needed to sustain relationships over the long haul? Forgiveness!

John MacArthur says, "It makes sense to forgive. It is healthy. It is wholesome. It is liberating. It is sensible. It relieves tension. It brings peace. It solicits love. And again I say, it is man at his noblest. It is his glory to overlook a transgression." (Prov. 19:11)

Any relationship, family or otherwise, cannot survive without forgiveness. We have to give up the notion of 'being right' or having it my way. When all is said and done, what is truly important? God is using these trials to perfect me, 1 Peter 5:10. God is working through these mistreatments, unfair circumstances, seemingly injustices to bring about spiritual maturity.

Again, John MacArthur encourages, "Be little concerned about your personal injuries and much concerned about your personal holiness. Remember that in your trials God is at work making you strong and holy."

I will fail. I will offend. I will wound. I will hurt.

I will be disappointed. I will be abandoned. I will be injured. I will be accused.

Peter 2:19-20, "For this finds favor, if for the sake of conscience toward God a man bears up under sorrows when suffering unjustly...If you do what's right and suffer for it and endure it patiently, this finds favor with God."

Life isn't always fair. Relationships, especially those in close contact, will struggle. Differences will occur. Words will be spoken. Feelings will be hurt. Tempers will rise. But, pause and think of One who suffered even greater injustice.

"No one ever suffered unjustly to the degree that Jesus did. Perfect, sinless, never committed a sin, never deceit in His mouth and yet He suffered more than any man and He deserved none of it. And in the midst of the suffering, never retaliated, accepted it and just committed Himself to God for the purposes which God had in mind."

May God perfect me through my trials.

"Forgiveness brings heaven to earth. Forgiveness puts heaven's peace into the sinful heart. Forgiveness is the image of God. Forgiveness is the advancement of Christ's Kingdom. Forgiveness is what makes a relationship last."

I'm in it for the long haul.

Additional quotes by John MacArthur, 1997, Grace to You

Dealing with Discrepancy

"Once again the anger of the LORD burned against Israel, and he caused David to harm them by taking a census." 2 Samuel 24:1

"Satan rose up against Israel and caused David to take a census of the people of Israel." 1 Chronicles 21:1

Do you see my problem here? As far as I can tell, this is the first time I've noticed conflicting explainations in scripture. The Samuel passage refers to "the Lord" causing the census and the Chronicles writting gives credit to Satan. Is your mind like mine? Does it question and wonder which one is correct?

At a young age my Mom taught me the following verse from God's Word, "But avoid foolish questions, and genealogies, and contentions, and strivings about the law; for they are unprofitable and vain" Titus 3:9. I like the way The Message puts it, "...concentrate on the essentials that are good for everyone. Stay away from mindless, pointless quarreling over genealogies and fine print in the law code. That gets you nowhere."

We could spend hours debating over the source of David's prompting, but we need to hold onto truth. What do we KNOW from God's Word?

James 1:13 tells us that God does not tempt anyone. God cannot, nor can He, be tempted. According to 1 Corinthians 10:13, our own nature makes us vulnerable to temptation. We can be tempted, but God will always provide an alternate way.

So, God does not tempt us, but He may allow us to be tempted in order to test, prove or help us grow. We certainly saw this earlier as we studied the life of Job. God must have seen something in David's heart that needed to be exposed.

God also did provide a "way out". Joab pleaded with David not to take a census. He knew that a military census was contrary to faith in God. The size of the army meant nothing. Victory would only come through God. David desired to know the strength of his army. His motive was pride.

God gives us freedom. We can't be free to choose unless we have a choice. David chose to disregard Joab's warning and Israel met God's judgement.

I don't want to end there though.

"Now David's heart troubled him after he had numbered the people" 2 Samuel 24:10.

David's conscience bothered him after he had taken the census. Again we see why David is a man after God's own heart. He was far from perfect, but his heart was sensitive to God. Deep inside David's inner man he felt God's displeasure at what he had done.

Have you ever been troubled by something in your spiritual walk? If so, what have you done about it? Have you ignored it and just continued in the same direction? Or, did you stop, admit your error, confess and repent and allow God to deal with you concerning this matter?

David's compromise with pride caused many lives to be taken. We may question, how can God do such things? A more honest question may be, how can God stop when He does, fully knowing what we deserve? He owes us nothing. We don't deserve any of His benefits. It is only and always because of His grace that we don't receive what we deserve.

If a godly man like David can make mistakes, so can we. We need to be accountable; we need to heed sins consequences and we need to take His Word seriously. This will protect us from flirting with danger, rejecting His Word and denying His Lordship.

We will not always understand or be able to explain certain acts of God. His ways are higher than ours and we may not have all the facts or the ability to comprehend His actions. At times like this, we need to hold tightly to what we do know and keep walking by faith.

"Help me to understand. And where I can't understand, help me to trust. And where I can't trust, help me to overcome my unbelief." Ken Gire.

"Circumstances may appear to wreck our lives and God's plans, but God is not helpless among the ruins." Eric Liddell.

A Heart's Response

"I love you, LORD..." Psalm 18:1

Profound in it's simplicity, yet what more can I add today.

A truth that has held my heart, captured by the Lover of my soul.

Sometimes silences speak louder than words.