Deliberate Sin

"How can I know all the sins lurking in my heart? Cleanse me from these hidden faults. Keep your servant from deliberate sins! Don't let them control me. Then I will be free of guilt and innocent of great sin." Psalm 19:12-13

As I read through the passages in the Psalms today, they were filled with so many wonderful promises and verses of hope. My heart thrilled with delight at God's unfailing love, divine protection, perfect guidance, incredible blessings and miraculous answers. As Pollyanna would say, I highlighted so many "glad passages".

However, the verses that grabbed my heart were the two above. Not exactly ones that fall into the "glad" category. Ones that actually stirred up conviction and shame.

Friends, I'm nothing if I'm not honest here in my writing.

Today I could so easily share about the splendor of God's creation giving praise from Psalm 19. I could write more about my wonderful inheritance from Psalm 16. I could speak about seeking God from Psalm 14. The Lord's rescue and goodness hold such hope in Psalm 13. God's pure promises encourage me in Psalm 12. Yet, those reflections would be, but clever, crafted words if I abandon what the Lord most impressed on my heart today.

Deliberate sin. On purpose. Knowing in advance that it is sin, yet following in spite of the Spirit's warning to my soul.

I wish I could be quick to say that I have never chosen to sin deliberately, but unfortunately, even saying so, I'd then be speaking such.

I have known in my heart that the unkind words about to run from my lips will hurt, yet I have provided their footing.

I have realized that my action will pain another, yet I chose to proceed.

I have considered that I would be demonstrating pride by continuing down that path, but I have walked it regardless.

Just this past Monday night I excused an answer I gave someone as "truth", justifying my response because I wanted to give an affirmative reply. When questioned whether or not I had followed through with something I had promised to do, I said 'yes', telling myself I had intended to do it and would fulfill the request as soon as they left, so truly, it was as good as done. Why did I not just admit that I hadn't completed the task? I was afraid of looking like I had failed. Yet, in speaking a lie (let's call it what it was!), I have lived with the guilt.

The job I had neglected wasn't a big deal. A day or two late would have resulted in no ramifications. Yet, pride controlled my heart and gave instruction to my tongue and I obeyed sin's choice. A second of disobedience has caused days of regret and shame. So, was that momentary escape from expected judgement worth it?

I could have simply, in all honesty, replied 'no' and I'm certain I would have been offered grace, but instead I chose to deliberately sin.

Three days later my answer has now become truth, or at least that's what I'd like to believe, as the duty has been done. The truth however, is that my original answer can never be anything but what it was...a deliberate sin.