Going Home

"...go back to your family..."

Luke 8:39

After months of turning a deaf ear to God's command, this morning I am turning in humble surrender. God has strictly instructed me to "go back to my family". Go back from where? From living secluded in solitary confinement before a computer screen.

Over the past several months I have been living in a house with two precious people - two who mean so much to me, yet I have been absent from their lives. I have missed countless opportunities of enjoying their company, pouring into their lives and living with them. I have also ignored God's call to 'let go' and follow Him in an area where He has said, "it is time".

I have explained myself on my other blog, "Ponderings" and I ask that you would take a journey over to read what God has impressed on my heart.

I will only be posting here once a week, sharing truths He ignites in my heart as I embark on this intimate following.

Whether you understand or not, I must obey. People pleasing has held me captive too long and as Melissa reminded me on Thursday, my life is to be lived for an Audience of 1.

As I've been sitting here writing this, God miraculously confirmed this 'about face' moments ago in an message I received from Teri, which still has my hands shaking and my heart beating wildly. She wrote, "Precious Joy, In my morning prayer time, I saw your face and your name over and over. You need to know that the LORD Almighty is with you. You need to know it deep down in the marrow of your bones. Let it go deep inside of you. The LORD Almighty is with you. Be joyful in all things."

So, with that word I am trusting Him with the outcome of this following.

Gord and Chris, I love you and I am coming home.

Sitting By

"And it came to pass on a certain day, as he was teaching, that there were Pharisees and doctors of the law sitting by..."

Luke 5:17 (KJV)

Sunday afternoon I had opportunity to chat with a very dear friend. Easily, four months had passed since our last conversation, yet after only a few brief minutes of 'catch up' regarding our families, conversation turned to the sharing of God's Word and to truths we were currently applying in our lives. With my Bible open on my lap, she and I traced God's goodness and promises. We talked of the 'new Word' he had spoken into our hearts. We shared doubts and fears. There was no idle chatter. Eternal matters were the topic. Our hearts were burning within us to do more than listen, for living is our lot.

In the verse above we see the posture of passivity. The Pharisees were "sitting by" while Jesus was teaching. Matthew Henry writes, "How many are there in the midst of our assemblies, where the gospel is preached, that do not sit under the Word, but sit by! It is to them as a tale that is told them, not as a message that is sent them; they are willing that we should preach before them, but not that we should preach to them."

Beth Moore questions: "Can you recall a time when you attended a Bible study or church service that profoundly affected a few of the people you were with, while others in attendance were completely unmoved? Like the Pharisees and teachers of the law, sometimes the unaffected can be the most 'religious' people in the room. Could the difference be that they were sitting by rather than sitting under God's Word?"

In Beth's book, "Jesus the One and Only", she encourages the reader to sit under God's mercy instead of sitting by with a critical eye. She writes, "If you will actively engage yourself in every message you hear or read, you will never hear or read another ineffective message."

Where are you positioning yourself? It's not so much a physical location, but a spirit's surrender. Think of the foyer conversation you indulge in at the close of Sunday's sermons. Do your words reflect the passion of one who has longingly sat 'under' the revelation of God's Word or impatiently sat 'by', checking your watch to see the time, oblivious to the miraculous? Words are falling around you, but not within you. Don't be satisfied with less when God wants to give you more. Sitting by makes you an observer. Sitting under makes you a participant.

What Word has He revealed to you that requires action today? Don't be caught 'sitting by'. Do something!

Setting out for Jerusalem

"As the time approached for Him to be taken up to heaven, Jesus resolutely set out for Jerusalem."

Luke 9:51

I read this verse earlier today and my heart was saddened. You see, I know from reading the rest of the story that Jesus made it to His destination. He didn't just 'set out', He arrived. Jerusalem for Jesus meant persecution and death, yet He was determined to go there. He set out resolutely and didn't change course. He didn't give up. He didn't surrender, withdraw or retreat. He had a mission and He fulfilled it.

My heart was saddened because of how often I have 'resolutely set out' on a new task only to find myself abandon the desire along the way. God's call is clear and my resolve is strong, but as I travel to my "Jerusalem" I face roadblocks and detours. Fear. Insecurity. Failure. Disappointment. Judgement. Doubt. Peer pressure. The assurance I knew at the start of the journey has waned and I'm questioning whether I even heard His voice at all.

I look back at others who responded. Fisherman who dropped their nets immediately to follow. A young man named Daniel who 'resolutely' bowed on his knees before an open window unafraid. Three who entered a fiery furnace without turning back. The names recorded in the "Hall of Faith" in Hebrews who didn't waver but stood firm in their following.

I too start out with passion and excitement and then the pain that accompanies "Jerusalem" begins to accuse, ridicule and hurt. Arriving in "Jerusalem" means going the distance. It demands hard work. A "Jerusalem" road always insists upon sacrifice. It means braving the struggles that will appear along the way. It requires committing my heart to the destination and not giving up.

This morning God has called me to 'pack my bags' and begin a trek in answer to His call. The road ahead looks long. Rejection is inevitable. Hardship is certain. Yet, for the joy set before me... What joy? The joy of knowing I'm walking in obedience. The joy of shadowing footsteps that are trustworthy to follow. The joy of knowing I don't begin this venture alone.

Lord I'm frightened. Frightened of looking foolish by others. Frightened of starting a journey I feel so inadequate to finish. Afraid that a big 'incomplete' will be stamped across my attempts and I'll fail You again. Father, this time, with Your help, let me reach the "Jerusalem" You have chosen for me.

"Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

Philippians 1:6

Clean Sweep

"It is I who sweep away your transgressions for My own sake and remember your sins no more."

Isaiah 43:25

"I have swept away your transgressions like a cloud and your sins like a mist."

Isaiah 44:22

Yesterday I did a 'clean sweep' of my home, dusting, mopping, scouring sinks and showers, steam cleaning floors, but today Lord, You are calling for a deeper clean. A clean not of the visible, but the invisible. A confessing of the heart. Father, You are calling me to repentance. Not a generalized, "Forgive me for my sins", but a specific acknowledgement of transgressions.

Your Word says that we are to confess our sins to one another (James 5:16), and Lord, I'm nothing if I'm not genuine here before friends who have come to mean so much to me. How easy it is to write words on a page and appear spiritual at a distance. How difficult it is to live out that life day by day in a world where feelings get hurt, pain happens and wrong choices are made.

Lord, today I confess the attitudes, actions and reactions of my heart over the past couple of weeks as I've been giving extra needed care to my parents. Lord, I confess my impatience, frustration, resentfulness and anger. Lord, I confess words not spoken, but thought. Unkind words. Words harbouring jealousy, envy and gossip. I confess my selfish need for recognition and acknowledgement as I bow on my knees now in humility. I confess personal desires that made me turn to others for empathy, wanting my reactions justified.

Father, I feel so far from who You created me to be. I fail so often. I choose my way. Father break me again of self. At this moment begin a new work in me. Strengthen me for obedience. I confess that serving is hard and self is strong. Today, Lord, help me make choices that honour You, living authentic in Your forgiveness. Only You can make the necessary changes in my heart. I surrender again to You. Thank You for the promise of a clean sweep. A fresh start. A new beginning.

As I leave and head over to my Mom and Dad's in just a short time, Father fill my heart with Your love for them. A love that 'washes feet'. A love that listens. A love that understands. A love that forgives. A love that abandons me and lives for You. Have Thine O way Lord.

"May Your righteousness flow like a river

May Your justice run like a stream

Your love it floods my thirsty soul

And Your grace rains down on me".

Jason Russ

***Friends I must add a postscript: I pushed "Publish Post", wondering if I should be sharing this today and where to draw the line with how real I become in 'bloggy' world. I took a journey over to my e-mail. One message was there. A devotional I receive daily. This is what I read:

"God’s plan for your growth and freedom includes other Christians. Authentic, honest fellowship is the antidote to your lonely struggle against those sins that won’t budge. God says it is the only way you’re going to break free: “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed” (James 5:16, NIV)

"Do you really want to be healed of that persistent temptation that keeps defeating you over and over? God’s solution is plain: Don’t repress it; confess it! Don’t conceal it; reveal it. Revealing your feeling is the beginning of healing. Hiding your hurt only intensifies it. Problems grow in the dark and become bigger and bigger, but when exposed to the light of truth, they shrink. You’re only as sick as your secrets. So take off your mask, stop pretending you’re perfect, and walk into freedom." Rick Warren

In response to confession of sins, the people prayed. May I ask for your prayers today?

Thank you dear friends.

At Night

"And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.
And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid."

Luke 2:8-9

Did you happen to notice when the angel appeared to the shepherds abiding in the field? It was 'at night'. It was when darkness dulled all other distractions.

Yesterday my friend Elaine, wrote a beautiful post, "The Dark Side of Genesis", that deeply touched my heart. She wrote about darkness being created to cause the needful longing of the light's approach...the Light's approach.

I don't know about you, but darkness sharpens my senses. Distractions and busyness of day surrender to the quiet, calm of night. I listen more intently. God's Word tells me He brings treasures in darkness, (Isaiah 45:3), and I love in the Psalms where it says that darkness is as light to the Lord. There is no darkness with Him (Psalm 139).

Darkness has a purpose, whether just the going down of the sun for needed physical rest, or dark nights of our soul where we learn to trust in Him. The prince of darkness will one day be forever subdued and we are promised that, in heaven, there will be no night there.

If dark clouds have caused 24 hours of 'night', don't lose hope. Beth Moore writes that, "Sometimes in the contrast of the night, we can best see the glory of God."

Confidently Confident

"At daybreak, Lord, You hear my voice; at daybreak I plead my case to You and watch expectantly."

Psalm 5:3

I've always heard it said that if God repeats Himself in His Word then you really need to listen and heed His teaching. Well this morning, the verse above was not only the key verse in the first devotional book I opened, but it was the theme verse in my other reading as well.

What so blessed my heart this morning was that before I even opened either book, or my Bible, I had bowed my head and earnestly prayed that the Lord would speak to my heart. Over the next two weeks while we are on vacation, my deepest prayer request is that God will give some clear direction in regards to this upcoming Fall. As I surrendered my plans and schedule to Him at daybreak and pleaded with Him to provide guidance, I just really needed to have that assurance that He heard me. What a delight it was to my soul to open my eyes and read this verse, not once, but twice. The Lord was speaking directly to me and giving me His guarantee that He heard me.

Not only that, but He is telling me to watch expectantly. Oh, how that Word thrills my heart. The Lord IS going to speak. I don't know how, where, when, through what means, but I need to keep my ear tuned to His heart. I can't wait to share with you His Word to me. Beth Moore talks about being "competently competent". Well, this morning I am "confidently, confident"!

What are you waiting to hear from God today? Rest in the knowledge that He has heard your cries for help and keep seeking. His answer is on the way.

Eat up!

"Like newborn babies, you must crave pure spiritual milk so that you will grow into a full experience of salvation. Cry out for this nourishment, now that you have had a taste of the Lord's kindness."

1 Peter 2:2-3

This verse today reminded me of what I wrote here in my last post about the Israelites. They had to taste the new food in the Promised Land before the manna ceased. They had to eat it for themselves, a personal tasting. Second-hand savoring wasn't good enough.

God's Word provides all the nourishment we need and the more we feed on His truths the more our spiritual appetite will increase. One way to mature in Christ is by feasting on His Word. Nibbling and sampling doesn't suffice. As my Pastor shared with us a few weeks back, God's banqueting table is full. Every imaginable delicacy is available. Are you coming hungry in need of His filling? There is no need to ever walk away empty. He is our constant supply.

Life for today requires the provision of God today. Yesterday's manna will not satisfy. Apetite is developed through consistancy. Daily intake prevents spiritual starvation. Sadly, we too often eat out of habit, and not out of hunger. Ask the Lord to increase your desire for Him, so that you will have a constant craving. With desire comes the delight of knowing that God is more than enough.

"Every one who thirsts, come to the waters;...Why do you spend money for what is not bread, And your wages for what does not satisfy? Listen carefully to Me, and eat what is good, And delight yourself in abundance." Isaiah 54:1-2