Lord, forgive me...

"For You, O God, have tested us; You have refined us as silver is refined.  You brought us into the net; You laid affliction on our backs.  You have caused men to ride over our heads; We went through fire and through water; but You brought us out to rich fulfillment."  Psalm 66:10-12

Reading these verses this morning, my heart could relate.  The truth of God's Word resonated inside me.  Over the past month my world was rocked.  My faith was refined.  Today I saw God bringing us to the richness of fulfillment.

What characterized my faith over these last 5 weeks?  Did I live believing that God knew my family situation and was taking care of us, even when moments of despair threatened?  I don't know that I walked through the "fire and water" well at all times.  There was discouragement.  There was resentment.  There was disappointment.  There was fear.  I don't know that trust was always evident in my actions or my words.  It's easy to claim faith when my feet are no longer burning from the intensity of the fire's flame.  It isn't difficult to hang on to hope when the flood water's aren't threatening to suffocate.  In my 'now', standing on this side, with many prayers already answered, the praise and thanks flow ceaselessly, but what about in my 'then'?

Lord, what about in the heat of the blaze...
                when I was waiting to see You move...
                when the coals were so hot that my thoughts were singed with panic...
                when the net of despair entangled me and I got caught in knots of  fear...
                when the options seemed few and the doors locked?
Lord, would others have seen my faith when the battle was fiercest?  Did they look at me and wonder the source of my strength?  I know there were moments of confusion and heartache, but Lord...was there doubt?  Did I let myself succumb to disbelief?  Did I hold tight to Your promises?  Did I live as one completely trusting in the One who quenches any fire and gains victory over any storm by walking on the water?

Lord, please forgive the times I feel like I'm carrying the weight of my circumstances alone.  It's so needless.  You offer to bear my burdens.  Why do I so often hold on to them?  Lord, forgive me for sleepless nights, for trying to take control, for second-guessing Your promises and for allowing anxiety, worry and despair.  Father, I pray that You will continue to help me through these trials of refinement.  Allow me to see You in my difficulties and distresses.  Allow others to see You in me.  Possess me with Yourself.   Thank You for bringing me out to a place of "rich fulfillment". Father, that is Your promise.  Deliverance.  Not just survival, but finishing well, beyond what I could ask or imagine.  Continue Your perfecting work in me.