Awakening the Dawn

"I will awaken the dawn."  Psalm 57:8b

Well, there's no doubt I awakened the dawn this morning.  In fact, I was awake long before the dawn.  Having gone to bed early, exhausted, my heart wakened me with thoughts of my daddy.

Yesterday went amazingly well.  As we drove up to the nursing home dad exclaimed, "Finally, I'm home".  That exclamation shocked us, although it shouldn't have, as the Lord had told me early December, from His Word, that He would set dad in a place of safety for which he yearned (Psalm 12:5).

Upon entering the building we were met with kindness and understanding, as well as some familiar faces that made these first difficult steps more welcoming.  So much I could write about the day, including dad whispering to me, "Sweetheart, thank you for applying yourself to whatever you had to do to get me here."  Those moments came as indescribable gifts from God.

After meetings, paperwork and other required needs concerning admission completed, the staff set our family up in a private dining room to enjoy a complimentary meal together.  Honestly, they couldn't have been more gracious or extended the welcome any warmer.  Their tenderness to us was touching.

After lunch as dad settled into bed for a nap, the difficulty of leaving became extreme.  Dad too was beginning to understand more clearly that he was remaining without us.  He asked when he was going home.  He inquired as to when we'd return.  He implored us to come back quickly.  Do you know how hard it is to utter those assurances and kiss your hero goodbye without crying?

My tummy has been turning ever since leaving.  My head keeps telling me that God is in control and that He miraculously made a way for daddy to be where he is, but it still hurts.  I lay awake, my thoughts anticipating dad's nightly needs.  Did someone come quickly?  Was daddy confused?  Does he feel lonely...afraid...abandoned?  My heart can hardly stand the pain of separation.  

This morning I have awakened the dawn, but with sorrow instead of song.  God's Word calls me to do so with lute and harp and praise.

Father forgive me for my lack of trust.  Forgive me for thinking that You cannot provide more than adequately for daddy's needs.  Forgive me for allowing fear and anxiety to disturb my sleep and keep me from resting in You.  Help me to see Your infinite love and limitless grace.  As my precious friend Ruth reminded me, may I not allow other voices to confuse what God has already confirmed.  May I be able to relinquish my control and have a resolved confidence that You are in control.  Lord, let me taste Your all sufficiency and experience Your peace. I give myself afresh to Thee and lift my quivering voice in song.  Strengthen my song.  Crescendo it's message.  I lift my praise to You.