Earlier this morning while visiting a few blogs, I came across this statement in a list of "silver linings" that the author was looking for in her life: "Appreciate people who love me. {Honestly, sometimes I’m not sure why anyone would want to hang out with me.}"
You can ask my friend Andrea, but I was having this exact conversation with her last evening.
You've heard that old saying, "To know me is to love me", but quite honestly, do most of us actually believe that line? I think more often we feel, if we were truly known, no-one would love us. We feel there is nothing in us that is worthy of another's love.
Maybe we have been hurt in the past by others who have been fair-weather friends. Maybe we have been told repeatedly that we are failures. Maybe we have longed for love, tasted it for a season and then discovered in time that love has waned and we're searching for that same unattainable acceptance again. Maybe insecurity has been our portion. We've been taught that the correct behavior and performance result in approval. Lacking in self-confidence, skepticism has taken hold. Doubt and disbelief often put us on the defensive. With trust lacking, incredulity dictates responses.
Maybe it's just stress, but I'm struggling with accepting that anyone, outside of God, can love me just as I am. Word games in the past have hurt and now effort is needed to believe. I feel vulnerable and exposed and long for the security of something certain...someone certain. I wish I had the assurance that others emulate, yet I don't want any form of imitation. I'm through being the great pretender.
This morning my heart has been reminded of God's unfailing love. Love that will never disappoint or disappear. It's a tenacious love, clinging and holding persistantly to my heart. It is from God and it IS God.
Lord, my mind knows...help my heart receive.
I used to sing the following song as a teenager. I still need these lyrics to take root in my life. When I finally and fully embrace this truth, I believe I truly will stop seeking and longing for anything more...anyone more, for my heart will be more than sufficiently suffancified.
UNFAILING LOVE FLOWS FROM HIS HEART AND HEALS MY SOUL,
IN SPITE OF WHO I AM ,HE LOVES AND MAKES ME WHOLE.
I ALMOST CAN'T BELIEVE ITS TRUE,
UNFAILING LOVE AND YET I KNOW
HE GAVE HIS LIFE TO GIVE TO ME UNFAILING LOVE.
IF THE HIGHEST MOUNTAINS TURN TO ASHES,
IF THE MIGHTY RIVERS SHOULD RUN DRY
SHOULD SUN AND MOON GROW DIM,
I STILL WILL TRUST IN HIM,
HE'S WATCHING FROM ABOVE,
I'M RESTING IN HIS LOVE.
UNFAILING LOVE FLOWS FROM HIS HEART AND HEALS MY SOUL,
IN SPITE OF WHO I AM ,HE LOVES AND MAKES ME WHOLE.
I ALMOST CAN'T BELIEVE ITS TRUE,
UNFAILING LOVE AND YET I KNOW
HE GAVE HIS LIFE TO GIVE TO ME UNFAILING LOVE.
2 comments:
Joy, I can understand so well where you're coming from today! I think we both probably suffer a bit from "pefectionism"....thus it really doesn't matter what we do we are never going to be able to "do" enough in our own eyes to merit the love and affection of others! But, thankfully, God knows all our faults and failures and loves us anyway! Just the other day when I was going through a time of self-accusation my husband tried to compliment me on something and I said to him..."But you don't REALLY know me!!!" He thinks I'm silly. But it's so true. We simply can't know the heart of others. And again....it's so good to know that God CAN because though "man looks on the outward appearance, God looks on the heart'.
Love ya,
Marilyn
I was thinking about something similar this morning as I did my Bible study. I came across a lesson about trusting God, and thought, "Haven't I been here before? Haven't I learned this lesson?" But I need to learn it again, it seems. Seasons come and go and I change like the wind; one day walking strong with HIm, the next falling flat on my face.
We are always becoming, I think. One day we will know fully, but for now...for now we have to stay alert and vigilent.
love,
laura
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