I currently have three sympathy cards I need to write and send off in the mail. One to a grieving friend and her family who lost their precious mom. Another to a gal mourning the passing of her brother. The final one to parents of a young man who have now outlived their youngest child. As I reflect on what expressions of sympathy I will include as a personal note to each recipient, I do not think I will include the verses above. Although scripture tells us that death can be a method of God's protection on someone's life, there is a time to tenderly share truth so that it does not fall insensitive on hurting hearts.
We all struggle with responding to those who are experiencing deep loss. There are so many verses from God's Word that can provide comfort, but often times they can arrive unwelcomed or too soon. The ears that hear them know that they are true, but they fall hard and hurtful adding to the pain.
Truth spoken at the wrong time can seem callus, uncaring and trite. It is not just at a time of loss when the delivery of God's Word can sting. Think of some verses that can cause resistance. Rejoice always. (Seriously?) Be thankful in everything. (For this too?) All things work together for good. (Really?) God's ways are not our ways. (That's for sure!) This will bring God glory. (But what about me? Does His glory have to be at the expense of my joy?)
As the stages of grief are walked, some encouragements delivered by loving, caring friends cause such inner turmoil. When a heart is flooding with emotion, to pour in well-meaning but untimely words of trust and faith while the wounded is still trying to breathe, can harm more than heal. Scripture inappropriately used as a quick comfort needs to give way to a warm embrace. Arms of love speak louder.
There will come a time when verses like Isaiah 57:1-2 will bring the reassurance and hope they were written to fulfill, but until that time, "God catches every one of our falling tears and He's keeping us from falling apart...So much of life is mystery, but what you can know is: God's heart overflows in the midst of grief." (Ann Voskamp)
We need sensitivity not to rush weeping. Psalm 30:5, "Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning", is not necessarily referencing a 24-hour period. This verse speaks of sorrow not having the last word, and the promise of joy returning, but it most likely will not happen overnight. The immediate holds unfathomable changes, but what appears impossible will be filled with the strength of the Lord. It will be experiencing God and His Word that will impact more than just hearing it.
Our faith during times of devastation rarely fits neatly into a formula. We need friends who come to us with the gentleness of grace so that what they offer supports instead of cripples. Eventually we will see in hindsight how God's Word was evidenced in every step we took, providing for our every need.
A handy verse can be shared with good intention, but still be incredibly misguided if spoken too soon, adding stress to the sufferer. Pray for discernment when deciding on timing and text of biblical truth. Suggesting a loved one's death was for their protection might be true, but it does not dull the pain of now. We should not need to defend pain, or explain the reason for it. Sometimes we just need to accept that suffering happens.
So, back to my sympathy cards still sitting empty on my kitchen table. Maybe we stress too much about saying the "right thing". Stepping into someone's tragedy brings both risk and reward. Often sitting in silence is the best way to honour loss. A thoughtfully chosen card of love and sympathy speaks on its own.
Ann Voskamp quote: "When You Wonder: How God Feels About All Kinds of Storms & Flooding Grief?" - https://annvoskamp.com/2024/09/when-you-wonder-how-god-feels-about-all-kinds-of-storms-flooding-grief/
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