Monday, October 19, 2009

Reflections from a Prodigal

"He was lost, but now he is found!" Luke 15:32

I wrote the following almost ten years ago. Part of me wants to change some of the things a little clearer, change grammar, but the other part of me treasures this just the way it was written. Thoughts of a wilderness wanderer.

Where and how do I begin to pen the thoughts that not even my heart can tell
A story so real that it pierces to my deepest soul
A Friendship more cherished than all my dreams could fathom
After seemingly endless years of being adrift on a raging sea
With deafening loneliness surrounding all my days
An emptiness much blacker than the darkest night consumed me
As I struggled to be everything to everyone - but me
Smiling through countless days while screaming from within
A struggle to keep up the charade or end this constant 'perfect' life
Oh, the mask I wore - and how easily all were fooled, until...
You with Your hope, forgiveness and love
You with Your eyes that penetrated my soul
Eyes that looked past the surface and into the depth of my being
Oh, how You frightened me at first
How I wanted to run and hide - to shut You out
Should my fortress crumble and walls fall - what then?
I wasn't worthy of anyone's friendship or love
Your closeness scared me, unnerved me, but softened me
Could someone actually know me and love me?
Was there worth in me, a value that I never saw?
Emotions came close to destroying, but You wouldn't let go
Not having any strength myself to begin, You carried me to Your throne of grace
A place where mercy and peace flowed freely
You refused to stop believing when all my hope was gone
You picked me up, held tight and wouldn't let me drown
Together, I discovered life - a life brand new
A life where I am treasured, valued
A life where my opinions can be voiced and not ridiculed
A life, though sometimes still filled with hurt, can be surrendered to a Father who sees my need and loves me
And now my heart cries to know You deeper
I experienced the healing love of Jesus
You are everything I'd always wanted
All I'd longed for, hoped for inside,
Oh, the beauty of Christ,
I want to mirror Your life in every way
You embraced me with Your acceptance
You found worth in my life
Smiles, sunshine and laughter began to fill my days and soon became natural
The unshared thoughts that burdened me didn't make me evil
The rejection I'd felt for disappointing others - not being the person they wanted to fit their mold
Lost its powerful grasp
I began, for the first time, to have confidence
Confidence in You who created me
Created me to be all I can be for You
You gave me a life-changing gift
It sometimes frightens me to think where I'd be - or even if I'd be
If You hadn't reached out to find me
You gave me life, saved me, rescued me from myself
You've turned sorrow into dancing, so let the music play
There's been a break through - a new beginning
Changes which will last a life long have taken hold of me
I see myself from a new point of view
I'm free to be me, to dance, to sing
I'm aware of me, the way I am - and it's all because of You
And now our lives have bonded
I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that You will always be there
I don't need to hold on tight - I will not lose You
Our love affair will only grow deeper
We listen and laugh
We share and encourage
We talk to each other in prayer
Our intimacy is so beautiful, it's breathtaking
All works of true art are miracles
You add colour to my life
May I remain in the Hand of the Master Painter
Allowing You do add only what You desire
Thank You for making my life richer
You are my Friend, my Father, my Lord, and my King.

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~Grace and Peace said...

That is a good picture of life before and after meeting our Jesus. Isn't it wonderful?

JHerald said...

Beautiful and breathtaking. I am glad you didn't change a word! Be blessed today for you have blessed me by sharing. Jill

Marilyn in Mississippi said...

This is beautiful Joy! Mississippi