The words spoken above were voiced by Caleb, one of the men sent along with Joshua when Moses instructed them to go and spy out the land of Canaan. Caleb followed the Lord wholeheartedly and returned with an honest report regarding the Promised Land. Then, due to no fault of his own, he spent forty-five years trudging through the desert due to someone else's poor decision.
Imagine. Forty-five years. That's a long time! Seemingly unnecessary years due to fear and disobedience of others. This wasn't his choice, but he became a helpless pawn in the play. He did everything right. He served sincerely and spoke truthfully, but a four-decade delay follows. How did he respond? How would you respond? To what extent does frustration, aggravation, irritation and bitterness fill your heart over a wasted wait?
Recently my husband and I were met with another delay in his health care. For over eight months now he has been waiting for needed heart surgery following his cardiac arrest. In and out of hospitals, some set-backs because of his reaction to medication and others a result of his own personal well-being. Those are understandable and easier to accept. Then there are the phone calls of rescheduling that we have no control over at all. The surgeon has other emergencies deemed greater than our need. It's not our choice, but how do we respond?
The last time the Doctor's receptionist called to inform us not to come the following day for the anticipated operation, I could hear the hesitancy in her voice. I'm sure she does hate making these calls. She's just doing her job, be it sometimes unpleasant and stressful for her too, I'm sure. As I listened to her explaining the situation with the critical cases that now presented our postponement, multiple, mixed-feelings filled my heart, but I had a choice over how I would answer.
Throughout life we have to decide if feelings will dictate decisions or if we will trust that the Lord is sovereign and in control. Would expressing my disappointment and anger be beneficial? It wasn't this gal's fault we were facing another delay. We were just part of the fall-out of the changing schedule. Internal turbulence can still be real, but we can trust the Lord when situations shift without our being the cause. Instead of looking at the losses we can focus on the future. Instead of giving voice to the inner turmoil swirling, I told her how thankful I'd be if we were one of those emergencies and the recipients of the time the surgeon was making for us. She apologized again and gave us another hopeful date.
Not dwelling on a problem can be a difficult perspective. How easy it is to rewind injustices and live in what should have been. If only this had happened. If only things had gone this way. I wouldn't be in this crisis now if only someone else hadn't interfered. And, it may be completely true. You could be faultless in where your life is now found, but being held hostage to hostility only holds you as prisoner to your own captivity.
Caleb was rewarded and eventually given the land he requested. Joshua blessed Caleb and God gave him strength to conquer the land of Hebron and drive out the Anakites. I'll tell you; this is not "easy street" living. It's hard. It's not being weak or walked-over, but being won-over and yielded to the purposes and plans of Christ and growing in trust through every opportunity in every moment of our lives. Today if it feels like you're lumbering through land due to other's lingering, no languishing. Allow God to enliven your heart with the truth of His Word and the promise of His sovereignty as you move forward in obedience to Him.
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