In 2020, around the start of the Covid pandemic, my family physician retired. She had become a grandma and her desire was to devote more time to her growing family. She interviewed many doctors for her replacement, and the young man she prayerfully chose has been overseeing the health of our family for the past four years.
I had initiated a visit last summer because of something that was concerning me, and after the exam he just looked at me and honestly said, "I hear what you're saying, but I really don't know." He then proceeded to have the receptionist make an appointment for me to see a specialist in this specific field of health.
Some of you reading this might think that was terrible. Many could accuse him of not being able to fill this role. I on the other hand was thrilled! I loved his forthright admittance that this was beyond his current knowledge, and instead of making a guess or prescribing a medication just to "save face", he humbly acknowledged he was uncertain of the diagnosis. In fairness, as I waited to get in to see the specialist, my doctor did call me, initiating a return visit a couple of weeks later, desiring to follow-up and find out if anything had changed. He had also been doing further research on his own, and talked to me about the findings he had discovered. I was impressed. He hadn't dismissed my concerns. He was teachable and willing to learn. He was honest with his ability and knowledge. Have I mentioned yet how much I love this guy!!!
The visit to the doctor who specialized in this area of health knew immediately what I was experiencing and she asked me, "Your doctor is quite young, isn't he?" When I answered in the affirmative, she was so gracious in her reply. She assured me that everything was quite normal and said, "He will learn, he probably just hasn't seen this before."
So often in an effort to appear well informed, we involve ourselves in matters we should avoid. At very least, remaining silent or pointing the person to someone who is knowledgeable in the particular field, would be more beneficial. I will be the first to admit there are things far beyond my understanding and control. Entering into conversations about things I may never comprehend this side of heaven is futile. Polite discussions can ensue, but I will most likely never be able to reason questions of pain and suffering...why a child can be kidnapped or murdered...senseless shootings...abuse...planes hitting towers...famines...wars...things "too great" and "too difficult" for me. (NASB)
Sometimes, like my new doctor, the most truthful reply I can voice is, I don't know why this has happened, but I'm so very sorry. Beth Moore writes, "The primary reason we are sometimes at a loss for words is that we should be at a loss for words." I know in these circumstances I often initially express bewilderment and confusion. I allow myself to grieve and cry, and in time I rouse my spirit to begin claiming truth and quoting promises. I remember that even in all my questions, God is faithful, compassionate, gracious, rich in mercy, forgiving and loving.
Lord, protect me from the pain that questioning Your ways can bring. Keep me focused on Your absolute truths, and the promises in Your Word. Help my faith to stand when I'm lacking answers.
I'll close with a quote from an eleventh-century English monk, who in considering the unanswered questions we face, wrote: "I do not seek, O Lord, to penetrate Thy depths. I by no means think my intellect equal to them; but I long to understand in some degree Thy truth, which my heart believes and loves. For I do not seek to understand that I may believe, but I believe, that I may understand."
Both quotes from "Stepping Up, A Journey Through the Psalms of Ascent" by Beth Moore; LifeWay Press, Copyright 2007
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