As I sang the lyrics the truth penetrated my heart. This wasn't just a casual phrase set to a melodious tune, this was a declaration of faithfulness. As the accompaniment swelled and the chorus circled around again, I stood wrestling with the weight of these words. "I give my life to declare You are King". As the instrumentalists played with conviction and the voices around me rose with resounding triumph, I quietly questioned, Lord, I want to, but would I?
Peter was confident in his commitment to followship. He was assured of his allegiance. He felt, in his pride, that he was the exception to every rule. Maybe Matthew, Thomas or James would flee, but not him! Never!
"Never" is a pretty strong vow. At no time or under any circumstances would he abandon or turn his back on the Lord. Peter thought he was strong and Christ was wrong, yet in spite of his courageous proclamation it doesn't take long for him to deny Jesus, not once, not twice, but three times. Despite his genuine love for Christ, his resolve was fleeting in the face of head-on fear.
I so desperately want a faith that boldly shouts "Never!" I want to sing with confidence these lyrics which bring conviction to my heart. As I listened to others lifting their voices with this vow to the Lord, I felt weak and uncertain, knowing it will only be by God's power and grace that I never deny and be willing to die. I am so far from being invincible and unshakable. I don't want to waver or disappoint the Lord. I know I will fail.
In these moments God graciously comes as He did with Peter. I deeply cherish two words in Mark 16:7. Mary Magdalene, Mary the brother of James, and Salome are at Christ's tomb following His resurrection. A man clothed in white greets them and after telling them not to be alarmed because Jesus has risen from the dead, the angel says, "Now go and tell his disciples, including Peter, that Jesus is going ahead of you to Galilee".
"Including Peter". That is the most tenderly, beautiful instruction. It touches my heart deeply. There are times I have known Christ's "including Joy". Moments when I'm sitting on the bleachers alone, wrapped in defeat from my silence or denial of my risen Lord, and He lovingly reaches over, specifically and intentionally finding me.
As the song lyrics drift through my thoughts again a new reality begins to form. This giving of my life, is not just a final death, it's a daily dying. My "never" is being tested in continual choices and opportunities to surrender my will for His. In countless situations my sacrificial living can make Him known.
Father, I know my desperate need for Your power to help me remain. You never will fail me and I can speak that "never" with assurance.
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