I tend to over-analyze everything. I want to know the how, what, where, when and why. I'm looking for reason and purpose to provide explanation. Often times I come up empty. There is no comprehension...no answers...only questions.
To come to a place of contentment in the not knowing is difficult. Acceptance can be a difficult travel. Storms shatter peace and my heart longs for clarity while logic is hiding.
I have to willingly surrender, and frequently blindly trust the path. When nothing is making sense and the next step appears to be going in the opposite direction to my desires, I have to walk it regardless, believing the One who left the imprint of His sandal in the dirt ahead, is guiding my way.
Sometimes I work so hard at understanding...having to know before I go. My feet remain firmly planted, while my stubborn heart awaits clarification, removing all aspects of trust.
Will I abandon reason and simply follow because of the One who calls?
2 comments:
Hi Joy,
I was a little bit worried about you as I had not seen a comment from you on Wendy's blog for the past couple of days. I'm glad to see you posting today.
I'm of the same analytic (sp?) personality as you and it does seem to magnify things for us sometimes. I've often told my husband that I sometimes wish that I could just accept things without always questioning all the how's and why's! I know some people who are like that....no questions....they could care less...it's just their personality...and they seem to cope with life SO much better than I do! ha
Hope things are somewhat coming back together for you and that your Daddy is doing better. We're still praying.
God bless!
Marilyn
Joy,
I totally understand where you are coming from. A wise woman once told me (well, it was my small groups leader and it was last Saturday) that sometimes we do not know the why's of obedience. God just wants us to trust Him and he will bless that obedience even if it comes with our questioning.
I am thinking of you and your Daddy.
Take care and God bless.
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